Don't Look at Me Like That
by Indigo Kid
Summary: "Don't look at me like that." "Like what?" "Like I'm your everything." An extended version of Rey and Kylo's final forcetime. Pure angst not gonna lie. Based off a post on tumblr.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Hey guys! TLJ got me back into fanfics so I made a new account and decided to start writing. I'm really rusty but here goes. This is a one-shot right now but I might expand it into a few more drabbles. There's not much of a plot, just angst based off a tumblr post, if I'm being perfectly honest.**

Rey's heart sank as she ushered the last of the resistance into the Millenium Falcon. By her rough estimate there were fewer than thirty of them left – it was hopeless. She tried not to let her disappointment show; she should be thankful there was a Resistance left after the First Order's onslaught took out ship after ship. Still, it was hard to hide her true feelings as she turned to usher the final few in, but instead saw only one man.

Kylo Ren.

Her breath faltered as their eyes locked. He gazed up at her, forlornly. Etched upon his face was the purest expression of hopelessness – of sorrow, regret, and longing – she had ever laid eyes upon. His eyes were damp, and it appeared as though the weight of the whole galaxy was pressing down upon him. Everything, from his handsome features to his posture, was saturated in defeat, despite the victory of his – which she suppose it truly was now, with Snoke disposed of – Order. Time seemed to slow around them, and all their attention was on their counterpart.

"Don't look at me like that." Rey whispered through their bond. Her lips didn't move, but he heard it all the same.

"Like what?" He returned softly. No noise departed from his slightly parted lips. Unblinkingly he stared at her, absorbing every inch of her face, committing it to memory should this encounter be their last.

"Like I'm your everything." She replied bitterly. She desperately wanted to hate him. To despise his entire existence. There was nothing Rey wanted more than to inarguably and categorically loathe Kylo Ren. And yet she couldn't. Within her, a murky collection of emotions swam, and it was with fear she regarded them, a fear she had not felt since that day in Takodana. Above all else, Rey feared knowing the unknown, and so, she refused to explore that which lay inside her mind, lest stirring up the waters of her emotions would leave them to settle all the clearer. It was not monsters Rey feared most, but the truth.

So of course she hated the honesty of Kylo's next words.

"You are my everything." He responded. Gentle, yet adamant.

 _You're nothing. But not to me._

Those were his words to her on the Finaliser, the words that split her soul in two. She knew – had always known, really – how alone she truly was. How separate she was from the story unfolding before her. Her yearning for belonging drew her to Han and Leia, like the parents she never truly had. It's what endeared her to the Resistance. Finally, after years of searching, she had a family. But on that ship she felt another pull towards the one person in the galaxy who understood what she felt. The one person who felt it too. A tug of desperate longing from deep within, a longing she now desperately wanted to forget.

"Prove it." She challenged. "'Let the past die.' That's what you said isn't it? Let go of the dark side, let go of your newfound power. You say I'm your everything, so prove it."

Part of her wanted nothing more than for him to join her then and there. Abandon the First Order, the dark side, all of it. She wanted him by her side, more than she could express.

"Let Kylo Ren die. Please." She pleaded with him. "Please, Ben." For the briefest of moments she thought he would. A future, bright and full of hope, alongside Ben Solo flashed in her mind.

"I can't."

As quickly as it came, Rey's flitting image of the future was cruelly extinguished. She swallowed the sadness she hadn't even noticed until that moment. Replacing it was a potent, wretched pain, which pulsed through their bond in waves, flooding into Rey with such intensity she struggled to breath.

"Goodbye, Kylo." She whispered shortly, and tapped the button to close the door. It began to close with a burst of hissing steam, obscuring them from one another, hiding the pain in both their faces.

The ship door shut, severing their connection.

They were alone.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Thanks so much for the positive response to my first chapter! I'll be continuing this series, but it's more like connected one shots than a cohesive story. It makes it more flexible and I don't have to worry about an actual plot. I'll write a fic with a plot eventually. Eventually...**

It was early evening and Rey watched, enchanted, as the setting sun painted the sky in a multitude of colours. Beams of light poured into her small quarters through the open window, drenching her in a golden glow. A calm, cool breeze kissed her skin and made loose strands of hair sway gently. Life, Rey thought to herself, really wasn't all that bad. On the contrary, the galaxy was rather beautiful. For the first time in a long time, Rey allowed herself to relax, to let her guard down. She smiled contentedly out at the endless fields surrounding their current base, beyond which the sun was sinking in the sky.

"Rey?"

She tensed for a moment, then groaned in annoyance. "Oh for-" She sighed, screwing her eyes shut. With great effort, she turned away from the window, until she was face to face with _him._

"What do you want?" She asked curtly, crossing her arms over herself.

"You know what I want." He retorted, eyes narrowed. Unlike her, his arms remained relaxed by his side. "Join me." It wasn't an offer. Nor was it a request. He said it firmly, yet with little emotion betraying his voice.

"You know that's not what I meant." She muttered, glaring at the floor. She couldn't bring herself to maintain eye contact with him for more than a fleeting moment. They showed too much of the man trapped inside, the man she desperately wanted by her side. Rey couldn't bear to look into those eyes, Ben's eyes, lest she lose herself within them.

He huffed like a petulant child being denied a sweet by his mother. "I can't control when this happens any more than you." He conceded. "Trust me, I would if I could."

"It shouldn't be happening at all." Rey spat. "Snoke is dead, and this connection should have died with him."

Kylo recoiled at that, as though he had been shot. "Do you truly think that?" He asked, hurt evident in his voice.

 _No._ "Yes." Rey lied, chin held high in defiance. "It was forged by your former Master to manipulate us. It's a sick, twisted use of the force." Her beautiful features were contorted into something ethereally ferocious.

"That doesn't make it so atrocious." He murmured. "We are not the same as we were once. Neither is this bond." He continued, eyes wide and pleading. She still refused to look.

"Oh, you've changed have you?" She snapped. "That's why you stayed in the Dark. Why you continue to hunt, and kill us." She flared, eyes finally meeting his in her anger. It was because of him they had to flee Crait. Because of him that she could count the remaining Resistance members on both hands. Her nostrils flared in anger as she fumed.

"You still think I'm a monster." He whispered plainly. Hopelessness tinged his words as he reached out a hand towards her. It never reached her sun soaked skin, instead lingering in midair halfway between them.

"You _are_ a monster. You said as much yourself." She fired back. The pain in his eyes was overwhelming, and she snapped her vision away. Suddenly, she stepped back from him, as though just the proximity to his skin burned her.

"You want me to be the monster?" He asked, voice rising. "I'm sure that makes this so much easier for you. Just another despicable beast to be slain." Kylo confronted her, fire in his eyes.

"YOU'RE A MURDERER!" She shouted, cheeks flushed with rage.

"And what do you think your precious Resistance do, huh, Rey? Do you think they shoot rainbows and glitter? No. There were hundreds of menial officers on Starkiller base. Kitchen staff. Sanitation workers like your precious FN-2187." He sneered as he mentioned the traitor. "Officers had families on that base. Children." He stepped towards her, voice low. "Face it, Rey. The Resistance isn't innocent either - at least the First Order doesn't pretend otherwise."

Rey recoiled as if shocked by his words. "You killed your father." She countered, her voice little more than a hiss. "You would've…" _You would've killed me._ She couldn't bring herself to say it, but he understood. His face twisted in anger, she had finally crossed the line.

"You think I would have killed you?" He demanded, equal parts enraged and agonised. Impetuously, he reached out and grasped her upper arm, enclosing his hand around it. He towered over her imposingly. Rey gasped and stared at him fearfully. His own eyes bored into hers. "You think I could?" He continued hoarsely. Bitterness tainted his voice. It would have been oh so easy if he could have just killed her on the Finaliser. If he could kill her now. But he couldn't. The worst part was, he couldn't even bring himself to desire her demise, quite the opposite.

Kylo lowered his eyes and relinquished his grasp on her arm, which now hung limply by her side.

"I-" She opened and closed her mouth like a fish out of water, flailing for the words to say. Finally she closed it and turned from him. The sun had sunk below the horizon, leaving the deep, endless void of the night sky, across which a billion stars shone their faint white light. Tears welled in her eyes for reasons she herself did not understand, and her vision blurred. And a lump rose in her throat.

Finally, she turned to face him, only to be met with the empty darkness of her small room.

He was gone.


	3. Chapter 3

He was roaming the halls of the ship when she popped into his vision again. Each encounter was bittersweet. He relished in the warmth she exuded, in the comfort of her existence. But the insurmountable distance between them, even when standing right next to one another, it pained him.

She seemed not to have noticed him yet, as she continued in an animated conversation with someone. Her eyes shone as she beamed at her companion. He felt a pang of jealousy. She never appeared that comfortable around him. Perhaps something close, before she rejected him. He watched, entranced by her happiness. He allowed his mind to wander, allowed himself to imagine she was smiling at him like that, regarding him as she did whoever she was speaking to.

When she reached up, wrapping her arms around that invisible figure, his heart dropped to his stomach. "I'm just glad you're safe, Finn." She murmured to her friend.

Finn. FN-2187. The Traitor. He scowled and stomped forward. "Get away from that _traitor._ " He hissed into her ear.

Rey's easy smile fell, replaced with aggravation and a tinge of regret. "Oh, crap!" She exclaimed, slapping her hand to her forehead. "I forgot something in my room. I'll be right back." She reassured her companion with a soft smile. She was silent for a moment then nodded in response to whatever Finn had said, then rushed down the hall with a smile and a wave.

Kylo stalked after her like a predator tracking its prey. "You shouldn't be associating with _traitors."_ He spat when she finally stopped. _You should be here with me._

"I'll speak to who I please!" Rey replied indignantly. "You have no right to tell me who I can and cannot talk to." She snapped, crossing her arms over her chest. He narrowed his eyes in annoyance. " _Finn_ is my friend, and you would do well to call him by his name. He is perfectly loyal. Just not to you." She defended him, her voice carrying a warning tone.

Kylo scoffed. "Yeah, we thought he was loyal too." He retorted. "I'm just looking out for you best interests." He lied. It was his own interests he was really looking out for, his own fears of losing her to the rebel scum in more ways than one.

"Like you were on Crait when you tried to shoot me out of the sky?" She argued. "Face it, Kylo. You don't care about anybody but yourself. Finn, Leia, my _friends?_ They care about me."

He groaned in frustration. She really didn't get it, did she? "I care about you." He murmured. _More than you know._

'Really?!" She asked, exasperated. "What happened to 'You're nothing'?" She countered, arm waving wildly as if to punctuate her annoyance.

"Not to me!" He exclaimed, moving closer to her, wanting more than anything to pull her into his embrace. "You're everything to me." Tears pricked his eyes as he felt the truth in his words, and he held her gaze, imploring her to know he truly meant it.

"We've already been over this." She sighed, tearing her eyes away from him. "You're too attached to your ambitions for us to..." She trailed off, hands balling into fists by her sides. "I'm not nothing to them." She whispered, staring at what he assumed to be the door, beyond which the last remnants of the Resistance sat plotting his demise.

"Rey, please." He pleaded with her. "You mean the galaxy to me, please don't be like this."

"LIKE WHAT?" She shouted. "ANGRY? YOU DON'T WANT ME TO BE ANGRY WITH YOU?" She lowered her voice, aware one again that she was not alone at the Resistance base. "I trusted you." She seethed. "I trusted you, I cared about you. You broke my kriffing heart, Ben!" Tears welled up in her eyes, and threatened to spill over. "You chose power over me. I just wanted you, but you took one look at that kriffing throne and-" A sob overtook her and she clapped her hand over her mouth to stifle it. "To think I almost loved you." She lamented bitterly.

Ben's mouth fell open in shock, but he closed it quickly. "You think you're the one who was betrayed?" He asked lowly. "You think you're the only one hurting?" His voice rose. "You were the only person for over a _DECADE_ to truly give a damn about me, and you abandoned me! You left me unconscious on the floor!"

"You didn't leave me any choice!" She retaliated, pushing his chest with her open palms. He stood unmoving, his breath heavy. She pushed again, harder.

"You _chose_ to reject me." He returned, his voice hollow, eyes damp.

"It wasn't you I was rejecting." She contended, tears trailing down her face. He opened his mouth to reply, but didn't know words that could reflect the full extent of his inner turmoil. Instead, he pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her. She sobbed openly into his chest, and he allowed his own tears to fall.

The next time they met, they would refuse to acknowledge this moment of tenderness had ever occurred. But for now they allowed themselves the comfort of one another's arms.

* * *

 **AN: It's not by best because I'm kinda blocked right now. I just had some time so I figured anything would do. If I hate it later I'll just delete it. BUT you can comment or PM requests/ prompts so hopefully I'll have something to write even when I can't think of anything.**


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